Happy Birthday Guy Fawkes
- I don’t care about you.
- It’s almost sort of violent, the amount I don’t care about you. It’s overwhelming.
- This in itself is cause for examination etc. Why is that I don’t care about you at all, because it’s not as if I confine myself to only paying attention to important things.
- No sir.
- I found a six page poem I wrote about Secretariat, for example. That’s Secretariat the celebrity racehorse.
- You are objectively more important than Secretariat, and yet I find myself exhausted by this. Why are you more important? Why is there a Guy Fawkes Day, and yet no Secretariat Day.
- Why were you born such a long time ago?
- This might be the worst thing about you.
- Why also did you wear an irritating kind of hat, and have a painting of you kind of leaning over and looking like Rumpelstiltskin (who I also hate), and call yourself “Guido Fawkes” when you were “fighting for the Spanish.”
- What even is this.
- Happy birthday though, I suppose.
- Sorry you got executed – that’s really terrible. However: the fact that you were executed is at least a strong indicator that some people thought you were mega important.
- Swings and roundabouts, basically.