Happy Birthday Ernest Hemingway

by rosalyster

  1. My mum loved A Moveable Feast, and phoned me on three separate occasions to tell me to read it.
  2. I have not yet done so.
  3. Also, I have never read A Farewell to Arms.
  4. Or For Whom the Bell Tolls.
  5. You have been dead for a long time now, so you will not mind when I admit that the only thing of yours I’ve ever read is “Indian Camp”.
  6. You further will not mind when I concede that up until five minutes ago, I thought “Indian Camp” was by Salinger.
  7. I know the names of all your wives though: Hadley, Fife, Martha, and Mary.
  8. Hadley: sensible; Fife: rich; Martha: clever; Mary: last.
  9. You: a brilliantly scheming toddler the whole time.
  10. Two other things I know: you were the proud owner of a succession of six-toed cats, and when you were young in Paris you examined F Scott Fitzgerald’s penis and told him that it was of Normal Size.
  11. If I had to be stuck on a desert island with your or Scott, I would choose you instantly, and I am not just saying that because it’s your birthday.
  12. You at least would build us some kind of shelter, while Scott would just die of the DTs right there on the sand.
  13. hemingwaycat