Happy Birthday Edmund Hillary

by rosalyster

  1. My dad thinks you are great, although somehow not quite as great as George Mallory.
  2. This seems unfair.
  3. Mallory was that special kind of failure that British people love, like Scott of the Antarctic and Andy Murray.
  4. As well as being a noble failure of the classic type, Mallory was extremely handsome and possibly gay.
  5. I say “possibly gay”, when what I mean is “definitely”.
  6. In contrast to all this glamour, you were a tall and uncoordinated man with a keen interest in bees.
  7. You climbed Everest with apparently no fuss, wearing appropriate clothing.
  8. Again, this is in contrast to George, who had a go at the summit wearing plus fours, a la Tintin.
  9. Your coat of arms consists of a blue kiwi bird gripping an ice axe in its claws.
  10. This seems incredibly literal, but that’s fine.
  11. The motto, on that same coat of arms, is “NOTHING VENTURE, NOTHING WIN.”
  12. Something funny about this as well, but who am I to split hairs.
  13. George Mallory didn’t even have a coat of arms.
  14. Happy birthday.
  15. The_Coat_of_Arms_of_Sir_Edmund_Hillary
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